Ramblings 4

I don’t really know what to write about today. That’s the point of rambling I suppose but I really don’t know what to write today.

There’s no flow, just me scrawling on the paper hoping something interesting appears.

What should I write about?

I’m trying to be healthier, it’s not going well. I’m getting lazy with the food I’m eating.

Work keeps my weight fairly consistent. Retail can be quite demanding sometimes but I need to get more exercise into my routine.

I’ve always been lazy but at least I’m quite proactive at work, I’m only lazy at home now.

But yeah, I just need to get motivated to be active.

Ramblings 3

I keep picking up this pen and just writing.

I don’t have a thought in mind when I do. I just start writing and see where I go.

Not very far normally.

I do like this pen though; I’d never owned a fountain pen before but I am enjoying using it.

I think the kind of pen you write with is important.

You can’t just use any old ballpoint. It needs to feel comfortable and your hand should flow across the page; some pens are an utter joy to use, whereas others are terrible and completely stunt any kind of creativity in what I write.

It really does make a huge difference.

Just like the room you’re in, the sounds in your environment; the pen is an equal factor in how productive your writing will be.

I guess my advice to anyone who enjoys writing is to treat yourself to a really nice pen and watch how the words just stream out of it.

But hey, if you’re fine with whatever writing implement comes to hand, then go for it.

Ramblings 2

Music is quite surreal, it’s just sound waves but somehow it makes us feel all manner of things.

It can make us happy, sad, excited, tired and so much more.

Could you imagine a world without music? I myself don’t think I could cope without it.

It’s unreal what music does, you feel it coursing through your veins, piercing your very soul.

It flows freely. Unyielding.

How anyone can be without music is beyond me. It’s beautiful, everlasting and one of the few things that makes the human race great.

I’m enjoying rambling like this. Instead of keeping in my head, I’m putting words to the page and I had forgotten how therapeutic that could be.

Let’s see how long I keep it up.

Ramblings

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Perhaps the most famous of poetry to be written.

Sonnet 18 a masterpiece? No, it should be respected of course, but nothing can truly be a masterpiece. It’s all subjective, opinions differ and times change. What was once mocked, such as Van Gogh’s art, may be seen and revered in the future and vice versa.

I wonder if anyone will ever look at my work in the future and truly appreciate it? Highly unlikely, but a nice thought nonetheless. My writing would have to have a chance of being published to even entertain that possibility and I doubt I’ll ever be published.

I’m not a novelist and poetry just isn’t as popular as it’s hard back cousins.

Am I bitter?

No. I write because I enjoy it, not for recognition. I’ve put pieces online, sure, but I just thought I’d share what I wrote.

Maybe I’ll post this online, I did say I’d make more of an effort to write. But would the ramblings of a nineteen year old really appeal to the internet?

Does it matter?

In the grand scheme of things, no. Even the short term is up for debate.

But alas, if I had no intention of posting this, I wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place.

I find myself becoming more open online. Too much sometimes, it’s odd. This sense of privacy some of us have about the internet. We share so much, thinking the online world will never cross with the world we live in. This naivety will, no doubt, be the downfall of many, but those who are just as open offline will have less to fear than their introvert neighbours.

Which category will I fall into I wonder?

Let’s Give This Another Go…

Let’s give this another go…

This whole writing thing                                                                                                               I don’t do it enough                                                                                                                     I’m struggling lately                                                                                                                   Finding inspiration is tough.

But I’m trying again                                                                                                                   Because it’s something I love                                                                                                     And you should do things you like                                                                                             Find inspiration and rise above.

I did set myself a goal                                                                                                                 And I’m gonna try to stick to it                                                                                                 Write more often                                                                                                                         And try not to quit.

But yeah, I’m still busy                                                                                                               Life is tiring right now                                                                                                               It’s a good tiring though                                                                                                             But it means I can’t make a solid vow.

All I can say is,

Let’s give this another go…

Torture Of The Soldier

This was a piece I wrote in college, as part of a creative writing assessment. I’ve adjusted it slightly for this post but otherwise it’s the same as when I wrote it 2 years ago. I hope you enjoy it.

Why I write about this, dear reader, I will never know. This is not a story I enjoy telling, nor is it one I wish you to pass on. I suppose I only write these words because I cannot bear the pain of carrying these memories inside; bottled up, like a fizzy drink, waiting to explode out of me, should the lid ever be opened.

So dear reader, shall we begin?

It was late spring, what month? I couldn’t tell; the days just seem to merge into a long stream now, forever running, never ending and always going further downhill. The only way I can tell the seasons, is by the change in weather and the flowers that begin to grow around me.

I have become a shell of my former self; I have been left scarred and broken, but I guess that’s what war does to people. It breaks them.

I’ve never really thought much about life before I became a soldier but now, after seeing the horrors of the battlefield, seeing your most trusted friends fall and die at your feet, I never think about anything else.

When I came back home, I was given a hero’s welcome. I didn’t deserve it. It makes no sense. Nothing does anymore.

I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder not long after getting back. I had a flashback of an explosion that killed two of my fellow men. Apparently I just snapped and broke some kids arm; I don’t remember much, but I remember the pain in his face and the 16^th birthday badge he wore on his chest. It was after that I decided not to leave the house anymore. I couldn’t risk it. Next time, I might’ve killed someone.

While I was in active duty, I was deployed on the frontlines. I was fucking terrified; anyone who comes back and says they weren’t scared is either lying or is fucking insane. There is no way in hell, that you can go there, see all the shit that happened; the flash of the barrel of a machine gun, hear those fucking mortars landing nearer and nearer, leaving you petrified, all night, every night!

And if they say that they didn’t piss themselves when they felt a bullet, whistle past their heads, if they say they didn’t experience that level of fear that paralyzes you, leaves you frozen in the middle of the battlefield, then fuck them for lying to themselves!

But I felt that fear, I was frozen; it was my first and my only conflict, bullets were flying everywhere, I couldn’t move. My commanding officer was screaming at me to get up and move, but I couldn’t even turn my head to look at him or open my mouth to shout that I just couldn’t… I couldn’t, I ju-…

See people just don’t realise how bad it is there. There are no second chances. There’s no time for mistakes or else… or else you get shot. And that’s exactly what happened; a 50. Calibre bullet, from a Barrett sniper rifle, went straight through my left kneecap and completely shattered it.

The pain I felt in that one moment was excruciating, but it brought me back to my senses. I knew I had to get to cover, before the enemy sniper could take another shot but how could I? I couldn’t even stand and these snipers are trained to be calm, precise killers; they don’t miss. Which begs the question, ‘Why did he shoot me in the knee?’ Why not go straight for the kill? There were two possible reasons, either I got incredibly lucky or the other reason was, he was toying with me. Like a child playing with his food; he wanted to see me squirm first, writhing in the sand, in absolutely agonising pain, no chance of escape. I was done for…

And then I heard it. The boom of that sniper rifle, the bullet whistling and I braced myself. But the death that I had expected never came. Instead I felt two hands grab me under my arms, begin pulling back and all around I could hear orders being given over the sound of that terrifying gunfire. I blacked out.

Next thing I remember is waking up in the medical tent at base, my leg being bandaged up at the speed of light. I owe my life to those medics. If they hadn’t treated me, that leg would’ve got infected and I’d been dead for sure. But there was one other person I owed my life to, the Sgt.

It turns out the sniper I heard was his and he took out the enemy, so they could get me out of there. He was stood at the entrance of the tent, a bandage around his upper right arm, looks like no-one got out of there unscathed. It was all my fault, if I hadn’t fucked up so bad then things would’ve been different, no-one would’ve had to waste their time saving an arsehole like me and maybe some lives could’ve been spared. It was then I had the realisation that I was going home, there was no way I could stay here and fight, not in my condition. And sure enough about a month later, once the medics thought it was safe for me to travel, I was being shipped back home; I was dreading it more than ever. Just before I left base, word came in that the Sgt. had been killed in action, him and his men were ambushed and he spent every second of that conflict trying to get them out alive.

He was the only casualty.

He was a fucking hero and they couldn’t even find his body. How is that fair? The man who died for his friends, not even able to be returned home, where he belongs, while me, a good for nothing Private, who couldn’t make it through one fight, was on his way home; to a hero’s welcome he didn’t deserve.

Why couldn’t I have just died? Why was it me who lived? WHY WON’T THIS FUCKING PAIN END?! GOD!

But it’s okay dear reader, because I’m going to make it right, I still have a USP.45 pistol. Even as I write this now I’m putting it to my head and every man I watched die is flooding back in my memory and like so many before me… yeah, like those before me, I’ll die without a name.

Game Review: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Soooo, I decided to write a review on the first ever Zelda game I have played to completion and only the second Zelda game I’ve played full stop.
This game already has high praise and it is well and truly deserved with many calling it the best Zelda game ever made.

And so without further ado here is my review of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of T-“HEY!”
Navi not now, I’m trying to write a re-“HEY LISTEN!”
Navi shut up, I just told you I’m trying to write a review for the ga-“HEY!”
NAVI, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING, FOR GODS SAKE YOU ARE SUCH AN ANNOYING PIECE OF SH-“HEY!” DON’T INTERRUPT ME!!!!!! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, FEEL THE WRATH OF DIN’S FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry readers, I lost my cool there for a second but it’s fine. The er, situation has been…taken care of (No fairies were harmed in the making of this review)

BUT ANYWAY, back to what I was saying about Ocarina of Time.
So the basic story is you’re a young hero tasked with saving Hyrule from the King of Evil Ganondorf. You do this by beating different dungeons and temples and collecting various items that will help you along the way.
I had trouble with the game at first because it had been years since I had played a N64 and had to get used to the controller again, but after a few hours, I was able to control Link fairly fluently and progress quite smoothly.
However, this game was far from easy, I spent 90% of the game wondering around because I couldn’t figure out what to do next. Admittedly, that’s probably down to me not keeping track of where I had already been or using the map and compass effectively but some parts of the game were so confusing they made my head hurt.
I’m not saying it’s one of the most difficult games ever, because it’s just not but it’s the first game to challenge me in quite a while and I think that’s pretty good. What’s the point of playing a game if you can just beat it like it was nothing?
While on the subject of difficulty one of the bosses kinda annoyed me, not because it was difficult, it was the exact opposite in fact. The boss of the Spirit Temple (which is the last temple before the final battle at Ganon’s Tower) was stupidly easy and it pissed me off. I was expecting to die at least 5 times before beating it but no, I beat it 1st try and didn’t even lose 5 hearts. The Two Witches were such a let down in terms of difficulty, the penultimate boss should make you dread what comes next but they just didn’t.
However, all the bosses were so brilliantly designed, they all looked amazing. Every boss was so different to the last and it was like someone had taken a 10 year old’s art book and said, “Yeah, these are our bosses”
They were all awesome to look at and the majority were challenging to beat.

There’s actually some replay value to the game too, there’s many side quests you can undertake and secret items and spells you can get to give that extra edge when trying to beat the game. Each side quest is interesting albeit sometimes confusing to accomplish. Some you can’t beat unless you know or happen to come across something or someone
(running guy) randomly and then guess what you need to do. My advice to anyone playing this game therefore is to be curious about everything, talk to everyone and leave no stone unturned, explore everything and travel every inch of Hyrule. It will make the game longer but you’ll get more stuff. Don’t expect anything to come easy in this game because it takes your time and effort to get 100% in this game.

But if you’re not really interested in getting every item, then just ignore the side quests, the main story is still gripping and fun to play through. The dialogue is kinda slow but hey, maybe I’m just impatient.

Overall, this game is well designed, controls pretty well, has a decent story, a lot of challenging puzzles and enemies and was a lot of fun to play. I give it a 9/10 and may invest my time in some other Zelda games in the future.

Thanks for reading.

Internet People

I often find myself thinking
About people on the net
And how there’s some I adore
Even though we’ve never met.

I imagine how they’d sound
Their voice I want to hear
They live so far away
But it’s like they’re near

I get to talk to such wonders
They are just perfection
But it’s all online
Which adds to my frustration

These internet people
Who I simply love
I want to meet them so much
But, for now, I am void of.

I Am Grateful…

So lately, I’ve been thinking about people. People I love, people who have stuck with me to the present time and people who were left behind.
I think about how those people affected me, how we spent our time together and the things I learned from those people. Some of those people I don’t necessarily care much for now but they used to be quite good friends at one point.
To every person who played a part in getting me to where I am today, I am grateful.
I am grateful to those who I’ve fallen out with, not because I like those people, but because I have some pretty good memories that stem from the time we were friends. I am grateful to those people because during a time where I felt like I had no-one and nothing they showed me kindness and gave me, to this day, the best birthday I ever had.
I am grateful they were there then and I’m also grateful they’re not here now. Breaking apart is sometimes a nice thing to do and although I harbour no negative feelings for them, I thank them for not sticking around.
I am grateful to my family, they’re annoying and incredibly difficult to live with but I’m grateful.
I am grateful to the friends I have now, the ones who I can count on even though we live over 200 miles apart, they give me stability in life and a reason to keep smiling.
I am grateful for all these people.

And I am grateful for you, my readers. Thank you, for reading this blog, however few of you there are, I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read what I write. Every second is precious and I am grateful that you would use even one of those seconds for me.

Thank you.

Positivity

I know you don’t feel gladness
Dealing with people of dreadful madness
And you’re stuck fighting the badness
But keep marching through the sadness.

Because the World’s actually a pretty cool place
But like everything, it has more than one face
Just stop running through it like it’s a race
There’s no rush to finish, set your own pace

And then you’ll finally be able to see
Through the veil that conceals the World’s true beauty
The veil of hatred that hides what your life could be
Rip it from your vision and you will live peacefully

Because let me tell you, happiness is addictive
That’s why it’s okay to cut away the negative
And search for those that make you feel positive
But you’ve gotta put the work in, be more active.

I know you don’t feel gladness
Dealing with people of dreadful madness
And you’re stuck, fighting the badness
But just…just keep marching through the sadness

…Stay Positive.