Matt’s Take: The Camera

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, robots and cyborgs, Androids and Super Saiyans, welcome to another edition of Matt’s Take.
Today I will be giving you my take on, perhaps, the greatest invention that has ever come to exist; the camera *insert excited oohs and ahhs here*
THE CAMERA is without doubt a magnificent achievement by humanity and is one of the most misused and underappreciated gadgets ever.
Let me add some perspective to this point; the camera is a device that allows you to capture moments in time. Let me just type that again; let’s you CAPTURE MOMENTS IN TIME!!!
MY GOD DO YOU NOT REALISE HOW AMAZINGLY AWESOME THAT IS?! A camera, regardless of quality or price let’s you take a moment in your life and immortalise it, forever. It’s just there now, for you to look back on whenever you want and you can relive those memories and physically hold them in your hands. SERIOUSLY! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?!
AND NOW ONTO THE MISUSE! Why do people seem to be incapable of taking a natural photo of the people around them? Why must photos always be posed? Is your life posed and planned into the ‘perfect’ angle and lighting? No. So why must photos be like that?
AND WHY ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO BE DUCKS?! WHY IS THAT A THING?! JESUS YOU’D THINK OUR GENERATION IS FULL OF IDIO-oh right, it is full of idiots, man our generation really is quite stupid, I mean obviously there are plenty of intelligent, nice, decent humans but have you seen the morons that walk around lately? Most of them are on TV now! But I’m getting off topic.
My point is that humans have a way of taking something absolutely, unbelievably awesome and using it for the most stupid and ridiculous reasons.
I just think every once in awhile that people just need to take a minute and look at the camera they hold in their hand and just think, “HOLY SHIT, I’M BASICALLY HOLDING A TARDIS IN MY HAND RIGHT NOW!”
So yeah, appreciate your mini TARDIS’ people, this has been Matt’s Take.
Thank you for reading.


Storytime: The Secret Life of Babies (part 1)

A fragile, vulnerable woman; her husband has just left her and she cries herself to sleep.
An opportunity arises, she sees a new man, not a relationship type but enough for a night of comfort.
A passionate night with Juan and a new wine stain on the carpet.
Nine months later and I am born, bald, small and crying. Why the doctor felt the need to slap me, I’ll never know but that’s over now, I have arrived in this strange world and already I have my suspicions.
I am in a room of bright lights and it is filled with strange devices, their function is unknown but I highly doubt they will be useful to me. Big windows show me a different world, much bigger than the one I see around me now, I must attempt to escape there soon.
There are unusual beings surrounding me, I am passed from one being to the next; their idiotic, gorming faces emitting unfamiliar sounds; high pitched and unintelligible, they are clearly beings of low intelligence but I seem to be a similar form to them.
Am I to become what they are? Or am I an exception to their species, a once in a lifetime miracle of nature that will surpass all predecessors? It’s unclear for now, perhaps all beings of this kind begin, like me, highly intelligent but with a fragile body and they slowly become what I see before me, unintelligent but stronger creatures than my current form?
A trade of intelligence for strength? Perhaps. Illogical in reasoning but a necessity in their survival it seems.
I need to learn more about these strange creatures and what they plan to do to me, so far they have told me nothing useful and my situation remains a mystery.
Hmm? A different one has entered this domain, she seems in control, dressed in a white coat and carrying a board of information. She seems key to my learning of this place. I should try to get all the knowledge I can from this one and just my luck she is taking me away from the others, into a different room, filled with others, like me.
Their tiny faces seem just as confused and miserable as mine; could they be in the same predicament as I?
It’s of little importance as of this moment, I have been laid to rest in a confined space and so I shall build up my strength and begin my quest for answers tomorrow…